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Date: 12 Jun 1998 00:00:00 GMT

To summarize my truly paranoid remedies for not getting caught:

1.  I almost never do it in my home town unless I know the place (or girl)
really well.  When traveling you know that you will shower before your wife
smells you, and if your clothes have a funny perfume smell (when I travel they
go right into the laundry chute, so who knows what they smell like when she
washes them) I say it was the soap from the hotel, or some other similar
story.  Also, if (God forbid) I got caught by a cop and ended up in the lockup
for a night, I'd like to think that I could cover it up better in another town
since (a) my wife wouldn't know I was gone all night, (b) she wouldn't read it
if reported in an out of town paper, and (c) if I'm not home for a few days it
gives me time to calm down and think up a good story.

2.  I *never* call from a traceable phone.  Not from home, not from work, not
from a hotel room.  Absolutely never.  I use a pre-paid calling card or use
change at a phone booth.

3.  I don't personally discuss this with anyone (other than anonymously in
this group or with escorts themselves).  A couple of you that I have
corresponded with have suggested getting together, and it's nothing personal,
but no thanks.  This is a one-man operation.

4.  Leave no physical evidence.  Keep very close track of condom wrappers,
unused condoms, etc.

5.  Hide your evidence.  I carry a small amount of KY Jelly in my suitcase in
case I find a woman who will do Greek.  (They often will, but don't have lube
with them.)  I put it in a hotel shampoo bottle.  If your wife finds it, tries
to use it, and says, "Hey, this isn't shampoo" just say, "That's strange, it
must have gone bad since I've had that bottle for years."

6.  Do not do anything on the computer your wife uses.  I only correspond from
work via an anonymous account (not my work e-mail) sent through an anonymous
remailer that doesn't even know  my name (I paid with a money order with no
return address on the envelope).  This may be a separate problem if you have
snoopy employees who would like to get some dirt on you.

7.  Never use your credit card for anything.

8.  If you get a hotel room, pay cash.

9.  Don't ever use your cell phone for arrangements.

10.  Every now and then, while reading an article about prostitutes or AIDS,
turn to your wife and say, "God, I'm so glad I never used a prostitute.  You
read about how they've all got AIDS and anyone who would use one has got to be
completely out of their fucking mind!"  (Wink, wink...perpetuates the myth,
doesn't it.)

11.  I invite my wife on almost every trip I go on.  Yes, she'll take you up
on the trip to Hawaii or Orlando, but NYC or Washington, DC??  This also
convinces her you don't have a mistress either, since why would you be
inviting her along.  Sometimes I even beg:  "Oh, c'mon, we'll have fun."  In
fact, if she does go, we usually have a good time, and sometimes even have
sex!  (Wow!)

12.  And most of all...whether you are having much sex with your wife or not,
treat her well.  No, make that extremely well!  My wife goes around telling
her friends that she has the greatest husband in the world because he does
this, that, and the other for her.  (And it's true!)  A wife who gets flowers
when you are away, or who gets a backrub after a rough day at work is going to
be far less likely to suspect you of anything than a wife who gets ignored.
Besides, if you aren't going to treat her well, then get a divorce and end the
misery for both of you.